Hope is not just her name | Motherhood Monday Story

Author: Regan Dollinger for Confident Motherhood

After suffering a miscarriage of twins In 2017 My husband and I used an ovulation app to get pregnant with our daughter, Hope. She’s the first girl in 5 generations and our rainbow baby.

During my pregnancy, my husband went on a downward spiral into addiction.  I was left carrying my pregnancy without support. Hope came 5 weeks early via emergency c-section.  There was no explanation as to why my water broke early, other than Hope was ready to meet us.

Labor was hard. I had a balloon placed inside of me and received a drug to make me have contractions. I believe it was called Pitocin.  After around 5 hours of labor, whenever I had a contraction, Hope's heart rate would drop into the low 100's. This continued for about an hour until I was rushed for an emergency c-section after her heart rate was undetectable. I was under full anesthesia, and Hope was earth-side within 7 minutes from the time we left the labor and delivery room.

Hope took her first breath off the ventilator.  She was 4 pounds and 13 ounces at birth. She lived in the NICU for 21 days after contracting meningitis. Her doctors told us the worst possibilities were death, d eaf, SP, and wheelchair-bound. She’s beat all these odds.

Hope is now 9 months, adjusted to 7.5. She is aided in her right ear, sitting up on her own, and we’re working on crawling now. After having Hope, I had allowed my husband to get clean and come back into our family. After about 6 months he slipped back into addiction and started to get physically violent. Following a restraining order, I was given full custody of Hope. Currently, we are living with a family member. Her daddy has visitation on Mondays and Tuesdays while I am working.  Other than that I am a full-time mommy and daddy.  We are surviving and finding happiness again.

Life has been amazing with Hope by my side, but it has also been hard to parent alone. I have struggled, and I have cried a lot. When I look at any obstacle in life, I know I can tackle it as long as Hope is by my side.

I couldn’t see a worth without her. She’s my pride and joy.

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If you or anyone you know is suffering through substance abuse and wants help, call the SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357) ( National Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)